because i was fretting about not getting an internship you know, which means that i could face a more difficult time getting a job next year when i graduate (yup thinking ahead all the time, aren't we) which is highly undesirable because getting a job is tough these days, and could get tougher next year - not that the extra internship is gonna guarantee me a job, but it'll help... right? (i like to deceive myself like that HAHA)
so when i got a call this morning saying that there's a pretty good chance (not confirmed though) that i'll have a place at a certain company i should be jumping for joy right? that's what i wanted, no?
at that point i started thinking about whether i should be doing internships or enjoying life instead (i'm in my 20s!!! i should be living it up yeah?? not choosing to live the boring work life instead) - but of course as we all know by now, if the internship offer really came i'd accept it at once, because i don't have the money (excuses!) and the heart (more excuses!) to go do whatever i want to.
and then when i begin work you'll see me complaining 24/7 about how i should just have lived my life frolicking around. and when the internship ends i'd be bumming around with nothing to do (kind of like right now actually - thinking i should be spending my time doing something more... worthwhile you know).
forever pining after what we can't have.
humans are strange like that.
or maybe it's just me HAHA
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maybe the thing i miss most about being in korea is being able to just, be.
i didn't have to care about others, what they did or did not do, what they thought or did not think, how my actions affect them.
i did whatever i wanted to, whenever i wanted to.
liberating.
back in singapore, i know i'm holding back.
for... reasons. hardly valid actually, to be honest, but it's just me.
whatever. i think its mostly just because i'm too lazy to move my butt. zzzzzzzz